Spread 'Em For The U.S.

Ok, so a lot of controversy over these new airport security procedures that are happening. There's the full body scanner that allows for the security guard to get a quick glimps of you naked, (you know, so if you have an AK47 hidden in your back pocket). And here's my favorite... a more hands on pat-down. This pat down includes grabbing your boobs (3rd base), and my very favorite part... the agent has the right to stick their hands into your underwear and get a quick feel around (HOME RUN!). ARE YOUR SERIOUS?!?! I WAS SO UPSET WHEN I HEARD THIS! Usually I have to get someone drunk to get that far! I usually have to slip my husband a roofy to get some freakin action... now all i have to do is buy a plane ticket from San Francisco to Oakland! This is awesome! I'mma become a frequent flyer now.


I've actually started looking for jobs in the city now, just so i can take a plane ride to work everyday! This is the best thing to happen to this country since.... damn... Independence day! Some might say, "but hey, this is invading my privacy! This has gone too far!"... wanna know what i say to them...
"You know what buddy, this might be the closes thing to sex that a lot of ugly people will get in their lives! And it hasn't gone too far. Other countries still have to spend money on hookers for this kind of treatment! And being the U.S. we have to stay ahead of the game! And once they make cavity searches mandatory for all passengers... well you can bet i'll be the first in line... BECAUSE I'M A GOOD AMERICAN you Communist!"

So I'm just going to leave you with a few images and i hope you all have fun and safe trips. And don't forget, if your Uncle Ted touches you, it's still wrong! But if the U.S. government does it, it's for your own good and safety!

I bet your thought i was kidding that they touch your balls! nope, i promise you that if you go the airport, your gonna have a happy flight! (I wonder what the hell is so hard in that man's pants that the TSA officer has that face on?!?!?)

With all of the terrorist attacks that have been going on, you can never be too thorough. The picture you didn't see was when they pulled a .50CAL (or machine gun, for us non military people) out of her girdle. She was planning on hitting all the Home Town Buffets for no longer giving senior discounts.

This woman had to have a modified pat down, because if you squeeze her boobs too hard, her implants would explode... OMG! i just got an idea! what if i get a boob job and tell the Dr. to fill my boobs up with like crack. and instead of sewing me all the way up, He'd leave a little zipper on the side. I'mma be rich!!! finally, i'm gonna amount to something more!

If we can't trust the priest, what makes you think we can trust the nun! plus, this is the closest thing to sex the catholic church will allow. Get what you can, give nothing back... and still get into Heaven

Oh hell no! you know that boy has something hidden.  I feel so safe now! I mean, this might make him think twice about trying to sneak a pistol onto a plane. God bless American National Security

Do I really have to say anything here. I have tears in my eyes... We caught that little Eminem wannabe before he had the chance to rob a liquor store. (Notice how the mom is holding his arms down, that means the boys is most likely violent, and would have resisted the pat-down)

Seriously on this one, WTF can she be hiding? she's not even in a training bra yet! Where the hell would she put it?!?!

 The rest of these are just funny

 

Talk about earning your wings

No joke about this one. A homosexual man was arrested because while the TSA officer was grabbing his balls, the dude got too excited and well... literally had a happy ending.

Man gets excited from TSA pat-down

A 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent. Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.

According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan. As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down. Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused. Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings. The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up. Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.

A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specifc case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

 

(I don't know about anyone else... but i can't believe that this guy's name is Cummings! that is freakin HI-LARIOUS!)

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Love

eRiCa