How to Act In Front of Black People

Ok, so let's set some facts straight. No, I'm not black, I'm the whitest looking Mexican you'll ever see... (sometimes i even think i'm a Mexican Albino). And for the sake of political correctness (or what ever) I will not use the term African American, because most all my friends refer to themselves as Black.

So, I was having a hard time going to sleep last night, and i was just thinking of random things... and recently, i've witnessed the most HI-LARIOUS things with people not knowing how to act in front of black people. So here are some things i've heard, saw, and highly recommend so you don't come off as a complete jack-off.

• Don't start talking all ghetto! (ya na'rra mEEn). Black people speak and understand plain English too. Ebonics isn't the only way you can communicate. Plus, you sound and look real stupid.       

     

• Don't ask them if they've seen anything good lately on BET... chances are the last show you saw with a black protagonist in it was Family Matters. And black people don't have a points chart where if you know a famous black person you get extra points. Just admit that you watch Dancing With the Stars and move on.

 

• Don't let this be your first sentence when you meet a black person, "Oh, hi! I've met black people before, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm sure we'll get along too, as long as you don't go all "HOOD" on me." (dude really said this on tv... can you guess how the rest of the conversation went?)

Dude, this is major confusion right here

• Please God, don't ask them if they know their daddy. (I heard this one at school)

• DON'T EVER... EVER... EVERRRRRR... think it's ok to say "Wazz up my n***er?!?!" I don't care how cool you think you are, it's a sure way to get ass beat. You don't see me going up to Asains, Whites, or Mexicans saying "Hey Chinks, Red Neck, Wet Back" trust me, you're not cool.

• ok, so there's one person that really came to mind when i thought of this topic. He's a chef instructor of mine. Don't "try" so hard to make black people feel "accepted". because chances are, you're just making a fool of yourself and clouding up the room with awkwardness.

• Here's one i heard in my own family. Black people come in all different shades ranging from "you ain't black" to "black as night". if you meet a really light skinned black person, please don't say "Oh wow, you're cute. you don't even look black." (yes, someone in my family said that. the guy didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult.) but it sure as hell made me laugh which lightened the atmosphere. 

 

• If you had black friends growing up, that's good for you. don't tell every black person you meet that you did. chances are, they don't care. and remember that points board... it doesn't exists, so you're not getting any points. so keep little Tyrell and Sha'Wanda to yourself.

• Don't make black jokes in a hopes that you're gonna prove that you're not a racists. I haven't heard a black joke to this day that isn't racists. joke about asians! they're already so far ahead of us all, no matter what you say you can't knock 'em down. lol

 

 

• Here is my #1 rule/ suggestion... this is even more dangerous than saying the N-Word in stadium full of black people. PLEASE GOD! DON'T ASK A BLACK WOMAN IF HER HAIR IS REAL! OMG, are you serious? does anyone go around asking white woman if their hair color or boobs are real? seriously... just don't. 

AAAAHHHHHHHH AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA I'M GLAD SHE PUT THIS UP! ANYTIME I GET SELF CONSCIOUS FROM NOW ON, I'MMA THINK OF HER AND FEEL BETTER!!!!!

For a good time, call 925-ghetto bitches

PS, no joke, this was here PROM picture! hahahahahaha

So most likely, if your sitting there and finding an excuse to bend these rules, you're probably some sheltered person who has never met anyone outside your own race. and if you say "I'm not racist" you're probably in a situation proving otherwise.

And don't think that this goes only towards black people. don't talk all "mexican" in front of mexicans. "jew-no wad i mean". We don't drink Corona and Tequila all day. and we don't all come from Mexico. and asian people don't care if your favorite actor is Jackie Chan, or know how to eat with chopsticks. and asia isn't a country, it's a continent. so a person from Vietnam doesn't speak Chinese and they don't celebrate Chinese New Years. so stop saying Happy Chinese New Years in Chinese you dumb ass!

I hope you enjoyed this educational tour