So, I've been hanging out with my friends, many who have kids, really cute kids! Which is lucky for me, because there is nothing worse than hanging out with someone with an ugly kid! Don't get me wrong, poor kid isn't at fault, but we as humans enjoy looking at pretty things. Let's just prove my point.
Pick from the following A or B
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| A: wake up next to him |
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| B: Look at this every day? |
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| A: Look at this during your vacation |
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| B: Look at this from your motel room while visiting distant relatives? |
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| A: snuggle next to this little guy? |
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| B: snuggle next to this road kill |
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| A: Drive this? |
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| B: Push this bucket down the street while people point and laugh |
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| A: Live here |
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| B: wait for this roof to collapse on you while you sleep here |
I think I made my point. So, as humans we are drawn to beautiful things. no shame in it if it's our nature. But what should we do when confronted with things that aren't so pleasant? Especially when it's something so innocent as a baby?!?!
So, I've come up with suggestions and solutions to help you through it.
#1- let's say, your friend just had a baby and it looks like a freakin hairy ass monkey (that no matter what your beliefs were before, you start to think that Darwin was right about the theory of evolution... for you dumber readers... you start to believe we came from monkeys) Here's what i suggest you say "Awwww, how great! you won't have to buy her any sweaters, you're so lucky!" see what i did there... turn a negative into a positive, and you didn't even have to lie!.
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| Human Baby |
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| Baby monkey... sad thing is, i'd rather hold the monkey |
#2- you see a kid that seriously looks like the span of Chucky! I've seen this before. The kids usually has snot coming out his nose, his face is all uneven, and for some reason, that little snot machine always wants to hug you and the mom thinks it's cute and even encourages him to give you kissies. He's what you do... pick a fight with that mom. Doesn't matter about what. Just piss her off enough to where you never have to see her or her cracked out ass kid again! Sleep with her husband if that's what it takes... but be warned, you could get pregnant and end up with a live Chucky doll of your own... so make your you use the pull out method... it's 100% reliable!
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| imagine this fool as a baby!!! |
#3- If you see a baby/ kid that is seriously so unattractive you can't find anything nice to say, don't lie to the parents. It's ok to say things such as "Awwww, look at how big he is!" or "wow, he looks just like you" or my favorite "look at how cute her clothes are!" see, you don't have to lie to the parents, just don't tell them the whole truth.
#4- here is my favorite and best piece of advice. Let's say you can't avoid the kid, here's what you do. Pretend to be sick. like this "Ohhhhh, i would love to hold your baby, but i think i'm coming down with something, i shouldn't hold her!" If the kid is a little older, teach them "air kisses". Make it a natural thing between you. That way, you never have to touch that kid.
So i hope you liked my advice. Thanks for tuning in. Take care
Love,
eRiCa
