GIVE ME DRUGS!!!!

so it's been a while since i've had time to blog. and i'm sorry to all my friends who have been waiting to read the bull i write. i just had my baby girl, and thought you'd like to hear the lovely and miraculous story of my daughter's birth.... well... you're not gonna get one! this labor was so jacked up, you would think it only happened on tv


so i wake up around 7am tues, may 10, 2011. my due date is may 11th, and i still have a crap ton of homework due for astronomy, algebra, and english. so i start to do it online and i start to feel contractions... pretty strong too. i blow them off for about 30mins, then i start to time them to see if they are real labor pains or fake ones (sometimes you get fake contractions that last few mins them go away. it's your body telling you "you're in for some f***ed up s**t!")


so the contractions are coming every 6,10, 22, 14, 3 mins. so i think they are fake since they aren't coming at regular times. i'm sitting at the computer for like 6hrs now and these "fake" contractions just keep coming. the whole time i'm txting with my friend making jokes about how i forgot to go shave my legs, and i hope i have a sexy ass doctor deliver my baby. 


i finish my homework, i calmly take a long ass shower (and shave my legs), get dressed, put on my make up, brush my hair (mind you, i'm still having these strong fake contractions that are still coming at random, times). finally, i tell my husband, let's just go to the hospital. we drop the kids off with our godparents and my husband drives me to the hospital.... going the speed limit.... or sometimes under the limit.... following all signals and signs... while I'M IN FLIPPIN PAIN!!!! by this time i know i'm in labor and the pain is really intense. i mean... there's a baby tearing me up from the inside! and i'm feeling pushy.


finally, we arrive to the hospital. the pain is to the point to where i can't speak, breath, walk, and i'm serious, if my husband asks me if i'm ok 1 more time i'mma kick him (no i'm not ok! there's a baby's head hanging out between my legs!)


we go up to admit me. dude, they make you fill out so many papers to have a baby! "please sign here, we are not held responsible for any lost items, injuries, pain, amputations that might miscellaneously occur, or death.... and please initial here on our no refund policy if you have an ugly baby". not only do i have to sign some bull, i have this B***h of a secretary who is being super rude to me because i can't sign while having a contraction. she was so lucky that i was in so much flippin pain that i couldn't throw my shoe at her. i'm feeling more pushy

so now the let me in... to have the baby, right? no! i have more freakin papers to fill out while they check me out to verify i'm really in labor. i mean, i thought the baby smiling and waving to them from between my legs was a good clue that i could possibly be in labor; but what do i know.


at this point i'm begging for a flippin epidural! nurse checks me to see how dilated i am. her response was, "you're at 7cm and you're cervix is melting like butter!" (take that paula deen!) so the finally rush me to the delivery room. i'm feeling really flippin pushy now. 3 nurses are there and yell for a doctor. he rushes in, flips a glove on and says i'm at 10cm. his stupid ass nurses wanted me to wait to push so they could stick me with an IV and hook me up to monitors. i am literally yelling at the "I HAVE TO PUSH!!!" (it's this incredible urge you can't explain) They start to run around like freakin ants. i start to push... omg! PAIN LIKE I'VE NEVER FELT! my other kids were epidurals... there was no time for one this time. I am screaming so freakin loud, you can hear me from the parking lot... across the street. The whole time, my husband is just standing there with this priceless look of confusion, shock, terror on his fain. (keep in mind, i only came up from the car like 10-15 mins ago. this whole thing is flashing past us. he was sure i was going to be there a few hours before the baby came.


I'm pushing, and this baby is coming out, (leaving out any more graphics... cuz even though it was my labor, i don't really care for the whole process, lol) finally, after like 2mins, i gave birth to a tiny.... itty-bitty... 9.08lbs 20.5in long baby girl with black hair, tiny almond eyes, and lungs as loud as her mom's.


someone asked me if i feel empowered now that i had a baby completely natural? (they didn't even get the IV in me lol) here is my answer...

HELL NO I DON'T FEEL EMPOWERED! i feel like a dumb ass for almost literally having my baby in the car. had my husband stopped to get a bite to eat before going to the hospital, i would have had to name her Wendy's or Taco Bell. 

so, ladies... don't be dumb and try to do this without an epidural. i've said it over and over...
you have a headache take Tylenol, heartburn take tums, having a baby TAKE THE MORPHINE! you don't try to let diarrhea pass naturally, so stop being a tree huggin hippie and take the drugs. don't listen to your grandma when she says it's bad for you and the baby. she's just mad that she had to give birth in the potato fields, and wasn't given maternity leave after. she just stuck your mom in the sack and kept working til her shift was over.

but honestly. i've done epidural and without now. i recommend with it. it's a lot nicer being able to bring kids into the world and not feeling like the 49ners are stampeding out of you. why suffer if you don't need to. either way, you're going to have a baby come out of you. make it a calmer moment. and after you lay eyes on your baby for the first time and realize that it;s not even half as cute as mine are, well... at least you can smile thinking about the morphine flowing through your veins. :)


Thanks for tuning in,


LoVe,
eRiCa